L – Love

The one thing which I have never had is a boyfriend and I think this started to bother me when I was at secondary school. I can vividly remember the Valentine’s Day when I got a card, which I was very excited about. I received the card soon after I arrived at school, so I knew it was from someone at school and it was all I could think about all day. My bubble of excitement abruptly burst when near the end of the day, my best friend told me that the card was from her and it was therefore all a joke. As she was my best friend, I knew she had every good intention thinking it would give us a laugh but what she didn’t know was just how disappointed I was going to be when I realised it wasn’t a True Valentines card.

My teenage years and into my mid-twenties were probably the years where I craved a boyfriend the most. To use the phrase of the song, Love is in the Air, Love was very much in the air around me with quite a few of my friends finding love. There were occasions where I would arrange to go out with my friend only to find that she had also invited her boyfriend to come out with us – another evening of playing ‘Piggie in the Middle.’

 I remember watching a documentary about a disabled lady who said she met her future husband while they we both on a weekend residential course, explaining that it had taken a weekend for him to be able to see pass her disability. She was implying that, Love at First Sight just does not work when you have a visible disability and this was something I totally resonated with. The thought of me walking into a pub and being chatted up was, and still is, somewhat of an alien concept.

As I reached my late twenties/early thirties  a couple of friends were asking me whether I’d ever considered online dating. This was something I hadn’t tried but just in case Mr Right was waiting for me online I decided to give it a go. I remember showing my friend the profile which I had written and after she read it she said ‘No wonder nobody has messaged you, what you have written does not reflect you at all – it is so  dull.’ When I thought about her comment I realised that is was dull because I had completely hidden my disability. I had purposefully decided that I wouldn’t tell prospective partners that I was disabled until they began showing an interest in me. Realising how dull my profile was I tried another online dating site and this time I wrote without trying to hide my disability which portrayed the real me. I still never got any responses though but I wasn’t 100% committed to the process as it was at a time when I was beginning to accept being single.

The reason why I was more accepting of my singleness was because it was at the point when I was entirely settled in my flat and I was really enjoying living on my own. I always remember someone saying to me that she had never lived on her own as the lived with her parents right up until the time she got married. Although when I was in my early twenties, I would have probably given anything to have a boyfriend looking back I am glad that I never did as I would have missed out on this lovely time in my life of growing in independence and being 100% happy with my own company.

If the right man came into my life tomorrow, then yes, I would want to get to know him and hopefully form a relationship. Having a man in my life would definitely make me feel more secure about the future as I am very aware that I still rely heavily on Mum and Dad. I would also love it for Mum and Dad to see me marry, it would probably settle any worries which they have about how I will cope in the future. I am however very thankful that I am still very happy living on my own and I have my big brother and his family who I’m sure will always be there for me, as well as my church family and other friends.     

The one thing which I would never do is take part in the TV programme, the Undateables, as I think this programme as two main flaws. The first flaw is that the programme seems to assume disabled people should only get together with other disabled people. This is something which I totally disagree with and secondly, like most people I object to the name of the programme, using such negative language. This serves as an introduction to my next post, when I will be looking at language and the words which are unhelpful when talking about disability.